The occupy movement has been quietly advancing for some months now and it’s peaceful style of protest is finally beginning …
Email is theoretically wonderful and in practice awful. Vast amounts of spam have plagued it from the beginning. I don’t know about the rest of you but my spam filter often filters important messages out and keeps junk. This isn’t really my ISP’s fault as once you’ve had an account for a few years large quantities of spam become unavoidable. On top of that offices now cc pretty much everybody into pretty much everything. How often at work do you read a long email, marked as important only to realise that it is either;
a) irrelevant to your role
b) relevant but not remotely important.
This must waste unimaginable amounts of paid man hours. As if all this is not enough there is also the dreaded bcc box which allows nosy, self important busybodies to monitor an entire exchange without the knowledge or consent of other recipients. This culture of eavesdropping, micro management and backstabbing, along with the time that has been wasted through unnecessary emails has contributed in no small part to the messy recession we find ourselves in now. Of course, it was triggered by shady banking practices but it has been perpetuated by the fact that email, a tool that was set to revolutionise business with it’s immediacy has caused us to forget what running a profitable business is about. “HINT” It doesn’t involve snooping on colleagues or forcing them to spend 60% of their day reading things that bear no relevance to them. It is about saving time and making money and as it stands email is doing a pretty good job of preventing both.
Daniel Brace is a freelance travel writer and author of Going Somewhere – An Australian Adventure available now in paperback or as an e-book. He has travelled extensively in Asia, Oceania, Polynesia and East Africa and is available for freelance writing and public speaking events.
CARLOS Tevez has undermined Manchester City’s long term plan to spend whatever it takes to win something.
The striker has blown a hole in the club’s previously bullet-proof theory by being paid an enormous amount of money and then refusing to play.
The Argentinian carnivore enraged manager Roberto Mancini last night when he refused to come on as a substitute during a Champions League match against Bayern Munich, insisting that Man City was not actually a very good team and then offering his services to Bayern coach Jupp Heynckes.
Biting the head off a badger, he added: “I’m sorry if there was a misunderstanding but I hate everything about Manchester. And while I am more than happy to sign contracts and take money I never really wanted to play the actual football.
“I know that by setting this precedent it will make it much more difficult for the club to be successful, but like I said, I despise Man City, so fuck them.”
The move is expected to be followed by most of the squad who had not realised until now that they did not actually have to play.
Kolo Toure said: “Thank God for that. Pulling on that powder blue jersey is like dressing up as a sad clown. It makes me hate myself.”
The move has stunned club chiefs who must now go back to the drawing board and begin searching for players who not only want to get paid £200,000 a week but would enjoy playing football for Manchester City while doing so.
Footballologist Wayne Hayes said: “I suspect they will now have to trawl the depths of former Liverpool players whose self-loathing is completely maxed out.”
Ridiculing Arsenal to become a hate crime:
ARSENAL are to be granted legal protection from the relentless taunts of opposing fans, it has been confirmed.
The FA has agreed to extend the scope of their Let’s Kick Racism Out Of Football campaign to include a Can Everyone Please Stop Pointing At Koscielny And Giggling section.
Ex footballers will also tour schools to promote a more tolerant attitude toward the team and explain that playing for Arsenal could happen to anybody.
An FA spokesman said: “On the face of it, it’s easy to laugh at Wenger’s crestfallen incomprehension and his magisterial inability to shoulder any of the blame, to titter about the team’s complete absence of backbone and to guffaw at the gulf between them and the top teams they used to compete against.
Most of us have been on holiday at some point in our lives but have we made the most of the experience? Whether you go to a caravan in Southend or trek through the Peruvian jungle, you should always make the most of your trip. Below are a few pointers for anybody who is planning to go on holiday.
1. Leave your work at home
I don’t care how much you enjoy your job or how busy and important you are. You have chosen to go on holiday to get away from the monotony of work. If you have already synched your work email account with your iphone then you are a wanker and there is no hope for you. If you haven’t then stay away from all devices that will allow work to contact you. There may be a disaster at work. The phone lines might go down or the computer system might go wrong. If you care about this while you are on holiday, you are a wanker and there is no hope for you.
2. Talk to people
That’s right. Talk to people. People you meet. People you see. People you find interesting. And of course, people you have come away with. That last category is particularly relevant to people who take caravan holidays. If you want to spend two weeks sitting on 4.99 garden furniture in a field just outside Guildford then be my guest but at least say something to the person next to you.
3. Look like you belong there
This applies more to people on more exotic holidays but the best way to get ripped off, swindled or just to attract rude comments, pointing fingers and poorly disguised laughter is to look like a foreign muppet. I’m not saying if you go to Ethiopia you should wear a robe, but equally don’t wear that Mackenzie sweatshirt you bought in Madhouse to wear in Wetherspoons. We’ve all seen foreign tourists in England in their luminous shell suits with mullets billowing majestically in the breeze and bum bags full of cash and sauerkraut. That is what you look like to a Colombian. You in your curry stained Everton shirt with your girlfriend rocking an elegant top shop ‘onesie’ look no different from Helmut Fassbinder in his Global Hypercolour T shirt to a Patagonian.
On the face of it, the idea that an ongoing recession has come as a blessing may seem quite optimistic. …